How To...

Welcome back readers! It has been so long since I have had the joy of writing. It feels good to hear and feel my fingers clicking across the keyboard. Hope you likey.

Among our society there is a stigma about relationships, especially marriages, that men don’t get enough sex and women don’t want to give it (unless getting something in return). The male complains, “Man, I don’t get enough!” while his counterpart says “Geez…if I never have to have sex again, it will be too soon!”

This is not always true, men just don’t know how to get what they want. I probably have a much higher libido than most women so my view may be a tad bit skewed. However, I have been one of those women that, while married, went months without sex. By the way, I still wanted sex but for reasons, I’m sure I will explain below, I didn’t give it up.

Women want IT. Believe it or not, we sometimes want to have our clothing ripped off, and our ass smacked. It’s a cold hard fact. But sometimes, we don’t want to do it with YOU.

There are three types of sex for women. These are in no particular order…

1. Raw Sex – this is the kind of sex that is unexpected. You catch yourselves alone, kissing starts and then, BAM – nakedness has occurred and craziness has ensued. Guys, you know this kind of sex…this is probably some of your most favorable moments. However, gentlemen, you have no idea what you did so different to get you to that point.
2. Playful Sex – This is different than raw sex. It’s fun…there’s laughter, foreplay, and eventually sex. This is when most of the fun happens in foreplay (toys, teasing, oral pleasures, etc…)
3. You Are The One Sex – This is sweetness at it’s best. This is when you light the candles, set your entire evening aside, and only worry about pleasuring your partner. This sex requires numerous hours for massages and other things that we are all aware of.

So guys, how do you get sex (any of the three) out of your woman?? Well since you fellows work on a much lower intelligence quotient, I am going to be nice enough to help you out. :)

For married men, you must begin your sexual preparations at least 3 days prior to penetration. For single guys, you can begin 1-2 days depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship. So, in other words, don’t be a freaking jack ass at least 3 days (1-2 for single fellas) before you plan on tappin that ass….got it??

First of all there are some ground rules. If you want us to WANT to have sex with you then you MUST do the following through this entire process.
-Keep your hygiene up (take a bath and wear cologne). We do not want to have sex with a stank ass, just sayin…
-Get a pedicure regularly (we like well kept feet just like you do)
-Withhold bodily functions until you are in the restroom at least some of the time.
-Wash your hands!!!
-Let us have control of the conch(remote) on occasion:)

Now, you really don’t have to do anything spectacular but the following are what to begin with:
-a sweet note (try written fellas, texts get old): “Just thinking of you”, “You’re one in a million”, etc….nothing sexual
-kiss her on the forehead or hand and follow it up with a “You’re amazing!” compliment

Now once you have done a few of the items listed above you can slowly begin with flirty texts and compliments. Not too strong but sweet things like, “I missed your touch today,” “I love the way those jeans fit you,” etc…
Just continue the small talk and texts. Each time you can be a little more forward. During all of this also do some thoughtful things that she will notice and that is a little out of the ordinary. For example, if you’re married…direct her to go enjoy a hot bath while you clean up the kitchen. Women like thoughtful gestures that don’t require money but instead require unselfish time.
Doing all of these things will get you a piece of tail…I promise!

Which type of sex you get will depend on your lady and time that is available but I am guessing that you don’t much care which type you get as long as you get it…am I right?? I hope you all get laid in the next three days and ladies please feel free to leave comments for the fellows so as to help them out.